No! Not at all! It took me 4 years to write Safety In Numbers and it started out as purely a therapeutic process. Since I had kept journal entries daily throughout my eating disorder, I thought it could be interesting to see how my timeline of a story looked when put together. I typed all my journal entries up until the year 2010 (which is the year I started this process) and then I continued to type up my journal entries as I wrote them in the years to come (My book ends with an epilogue in the middle of 2013). It wasn’t until about 2012 that I actually considered that what I was doing could be made into a book and that’s when I started doing some research and reconsidering my goals. Although I say it took me 4 years to write my memoir, the book covers a time period of about 10 years. I journaled off and on starting in 2002 – 2004 and really began journaling as part of my everyday life in 2005.
Writing Safety In Numbers has been hands down one of the hardest and most healing tasks I have ever embarked on. Part of why it took me so long to complete writing my story was because re-reading many of my journal entries stirred up so much trauma, pain and disbelief. As awful as it was to somewhat re-live these events, it also provided its own therapy in helping me to heal and face some of my unattended wounds.
Publishing this memoir goes against what I would assume 95% of the population would choose to do. It is a story that contains the thoughts no one says out loud … but this story needs to be told and if it helps to change just one person’s life, or educate just one person, or break some of the surrounding stigmas surrounding eating disorders, then I have done my job. I have created such a wonderful life for myself now after experiencing one of the most tragic and tormented lives in so many ways. On one hand I feel it is my life purpose to share this story. On the other hand, people could look at me and think I have everything to lose by sharing something so vulnerable and consequential, and that I should just move on with the happy life I have now. I don’t agree with the latter. Whether the feedback is negative or positive, I hope this book makes some waves and I hope it stirs up some meaningful conversations. And at the end of the day I am at peace with it and am releasing it to the world with love and only the best intentions.