Don’t let your past stalk you!
It’s time to file a restraining order.
One thing I really struggled with in recovery and still have to be mindful of is -separating past insecurities from present realities.
I found myself questioning myself when I was in the company of other people -people I labeled “normal” while I thought they’d be evaluating my every move to see if I passed the test to earn the title of “normal” also.
We want nothing more than to know we aren’t alone and accepted. Our eating disorder and the stigmas surrounding mental health taught us to be an expert at following rules. These rules limit us. They don’t keep us safe or move us closer to freedom.
Recovery means breaking your rules and living your truth.
But if we are constantly making up new rules for “normalcy,” then we aren’t completely free. We’ve just rearranged our insecurities in a slightly less harmful way. Still, they hold us back.
Some examples that wasted valuable headspace of mine were:
“I truly want the salad, but I’ll order the sandwich with fries. I wouldn’t want others to think I’m restricting or eating too healthy again.”
“I truly want 3 scoops of ice cream, but I’ll get just 1. I wouldn’t want others to think I’m starting to binge eat, or that I’m struggling with bulimia again.”
“I truly want to run 10 miles, but I’ll quit at 5. I wouldn’t want others to think I have to exercise.”
“I truly want to wear leggings, but I’ll wear sweatpants. Even though I’ve lost/ gained weight due to a cause other than an eating disorder -I fear others will automatically conclude my diagnosis for me.”
👆THIS👆 IS 👆NONSENSE!👆
We aren’t meant to live timidly trying to keep our balance between some made up norm in our minds.
Color outside the lines! Scribble all over that coloring book! The only one grading you that ever matters is yourself. And you’ll always get an A+ if you feel okay about who you are.
Truth -it is a virtue that you define for yourself. Others have their own truth and yours will never perfectly align with another’s. In the end you have to ask yourself…
Who are you living for based on your choices and thoughts spinning through your mind?
What positive purpose does this serve?
Where does constructing an image based on an, “accepted” portrayal of yourself lead?
When does this path reward you with internal peace and happiness?
Why do you subconsciously stay prisoner to believing you’re forever in debt to your former self?
Heck no! You’ve grown, you’ve moved on, and you owe no one an explanation except to yourself. Now go out and own the day, every day. ~Britt💜