Better to Love and Let Go …

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My sweet angel, Velvet. Baby girl I’ve never been able to put words to how I feel about you. It was love at first sight. You came to me during a time in my life when I needed so much healing. It was as if you magically fell from the sky and into my life. When I bought you, you also needed healing. But as magically as you flew into my life it seems just as fast we are parting ways. I have never cried more tears or been more confused. But perhaps this was the plan all along. Because the gifts you gave me are forever priceless. The memories I have with you are ones that brought more genuine smiles during a difficult time.

Velvet we healed. We healed together. Because although you and I are no longer together, I have never been this strong and healthy in my life. And likewise, I have never seen you so strong, healthy and majestically beautiful. Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same. And as much as I love you more than anything, I know that the best decision for you and I to live our best lives is to walk separate paths now. Heartbroken doesn’t begin to cover what I feel. I know you are going to go on and live such a happy, healthy life now and I will do the same. We did this for each other.

But I’ve said this line over and over the past year as I’ve written about you: “It’s as if I’ve known you a hundred lifetimes.” And I believe I have. And so this will never be goodbye … because when we meet again, I’ll always know it’s you. ~Britt

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6 thoughts on “Better to Love and Let Go …

  1. Pain and Joy mixed together. Yes, very confusing. It seems to be the deeper the joy, the deeper the pain. Perhaps by breathing deeply of both extremes, we can survive/endure loss and come out on the other side more grateful, aware, conscious and loving as you are with Velvet.

    Wonderfully written Brittany. As a writer, you chose the career that is you.

    1. I think you nailed it right away Daniel. “The deeper the joy, the deeper the pain.” I think I figured this out when I was so little I didn’t really have a a good grasp on the world. I just knew that trying to make friends for example caused me to get teased and bullied (pain). Eventually, and smartly for a young kid, I shut down. I figured that it was best just to detach. To just not get close, not feel, try to be numb … maybe if I were to inflict pain on myself FIRST, then no one else could get me. And if I were always living in a state of pain; my life could therefore only get better, not worse. Oh the mind games I played. They made perfect sense in world of madness and in many ways kept me safe, but it was no way to live.

      Thank you so much Daniel. You know me so well in many respects and I thank Velvet from the bottom of my heart. She was a vital part of my healing and I believe one of my guardian angels. She taught me to get close, to love, feel, let go … she in short brought a part of me back to life. And when I was strong and had healed that part of me, well, it was as if she knew her time with me was over.

      Thankfully this is no sad story. She is healthy, happy, young and has the best home I could ever ask for her. It’s just that she is no longer mine. It was the hardest decision ever as I had expected she would be mine until the day she died, but I knew and she let me know very fast, this was not going to be our best paths. I trusted my intuition. I let her go. But in letting her go … I feel in so many ways I set us both free. <3

  2. Wow, this brings tears to my eyes. This is so bittersweet and so touching with the way you’re expressing these deep feelings, these deep emotions that we all experience in our lives. I’m glad to read that this is no sad story and that you and Velvet are both set free, Brittany. Thank you for writing such a real, raw post, and take care.

    1. Thank you so much for this comment. I really can’t emphasize how much it means to me, especially on this post. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to even put this on my blog, but Velvet has truly changed my life in ways I can’t put to words. I really appreciate your kindness. <3

  3. This post resonates with me so deeply. My story is similar to yours, Brittany, in the sense that a very special horse came into my life at a time when I needed something to live for, something to pull me out of my 12 year struggle with anorexia. I too had to say goodbye to my precious angel, as he was taken back to God tragically last year. Thank you for sharing this; horses really are so special xxx

    1. Kate I can’t thank you enough for your comment. My heart goes out to you for your loss and yet I feel your strength and love for horses as I do and what you wrote actually made me smile, despite having to say goodbye to such a powerful healer in my life. It’s so hard to lose things so precious to us … and yet, how lucky are we that they helped us to a place where we were strong enough so that we wouldn’t lose ourselves. I’m sending you all my love and I know your sweet boy is watching over you forever and always. <3

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