Defining An Eating Disorder

⚖️Most of my life I didn’t believe I had an eating disorder because I never thought my weight was low enough. Of course, this is what my eating disorder told me, and therefore thin enough didn’t exist. Because …
I engaged in dangerous behaviors throughout the many years I struggled with anorexia. These behaviors were continuously putting my life at risk, but I didn’t see it that way. What I saw was a way to cope, and a way to numb my anxiety and inner turmoil. My actions led me to my deathbed —literally. My eating disorder controlled my every move and my every word. I thought I was in control, but I was, in fact, wildly out of control. This is what defined my eating disorder. 
When my eating disorder morphed into binge eating, I once again was engaging in harmful behaviors. My weight dramatically increased, but it was only a side effect of the distress in my mind. My actions led me to a state of disarray. My eating disorder was in complete control, but because I wasn’t thin, I continued engaging in even riskier behaviors. This is what defined my eating disorder. 
As my eating disorder evolved into bulimia, I was once again in denial about the severity of my actions. I received compliments left and right about my toned, fit body. But inside, I was fighting an invisible war. No one knew how I prioritized meeting the demands of my disorder over my life. No one saw the horrifically unhealthy behaviors I engaged in behind the scenes. This is what defined my eating disorder. 
My eating disorder dictated my choices, actions, and self-worth. At times my weight fluctuated, but it was always a result of my behaviors, which were driven by my mind. This is what defines an eating disorder. But most importantly remember that you are not defined by an eating disorder. ~Britt💜
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