Beating The Binge

Brittany is holding a sign that reads, "Restriction must stop before the bingeing"
🍭My strife with bulimia and binge eating disorder proved to be the most maddening. Prior to my first binge, I had battled with anorexia for 7 years. Restricting wasn’t an issue at that time, but eating more seemed impossible. My world flipped over the night my idea of “eating more” escalated into my first full-blown binge. My loss of control scared me, but the feelings of sheer exhilaration and recklessness were seductive and addicting. The prospect that I could continue bingeing and undo it with restriction was all too tantalizing. That is until I wanted to stop … and couldn’t.
My life soon revolved around my binges. Sometimes I’d plan them with meticulous detail, other times they’d sneak up from behind. Either way, I clearly had no authority over my actions. The same routine ensued after each binge. My raging guilt would scribble a diet plan, “starting today,” that I was to follow. I’d feel slight relief about my monstrous binge knowing that, “it was the last one ever,” and that restriction should counter it. But I’d hardly last a week before my food obsessed brain abrogated my efforts. And the same cycle would commence once again.
The most frustrating part was that I wanted to eat normally! I didn’t want to binge or restrict. I simply wanted to stop bingeing FIRST, so that I could begin eating regularly. I wouldn’t entertain the possibility of stopping the restriction first because what if I continued to binge? What if the restriction was the only thing keeping my weight in check? I was caught in a burdensome catch-22. I could continue trying to stop the bingeing before the restricting, or I could stop restricting and risk my worst fears coming true.
It took me years before I found resolution. I believed I should be able to override my problems with willpower just as I was able to do when I was anorexic. To save you from the same fate, take this to heart —you cannot beat bingeing with restricting. In fact, bingeing only exists because restriction is present! It’s terrifying to trust that your body will figure out how to take care of itself without your interfering. And it’s magnificent when you take the leap and see that it does. ~Britt💜
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4 thoughts on “Beating The Binge

  1. I NEVER thought of it this way. It IS a terrifying concept to EVER stop restriction, but it is the only thing I have not tried…. I needed to see this post. It never fail to boggle my mind, that these thoughts and feeling are similar, if not exactly the same, as yours and others. For years I couldn’t imagine that anyone else thought of the anorexicbulimia, restrict/binge “practices” exactly the way I do! Thank you for sharing–you have really made such a positive difference in my healing. I can face things with hope and not shame of my “dirty little secret”!

    1. I had such similar fears as you and I also tried what seemed to be everything BUT stopping the restriction first. It was a messy process to go through, but from my own personal experience I can confidently agree now that it truly is the only way out of the cycle. I’m really glad you can feel less alone by reading my posts –I too thought I had to be the only one in the world that struggled with such things and so I kept it all a secret. This is, of course, hardly the case. Thank you so much again for this comment and your kind words –they are so appreciated by me! <3

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