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Author: webeclectic

Living Out Loud - Finding balance, hope and inspiration with Brittany Burgunder

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Posted on February 11, 2019March 31, 2020 by webeclectic by webeclectic

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Weight-ever!
Trigger Warning
Recover Your Way
The Body You Have Now
Body Image Blues

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📊My value as an individual was entirely depende

📊My value as an individual was entirely dependent upon a number on the scale. And my moods varied in perfect step with the fluctuations of my weight. I swore everyone could see right through me. If I lost a pound, I walked around with my head held a little higher and my guard down a little lower. I felt in control and received a temporary ego boost. I didn't feel so ashamed in the presence of others. If I gained a pound, I walked around with my eyes to my feet and my shield of armor strapped on tight. I felt frantic, and my self-esteem plummeted. I was remorseful and reserved in the company of others.

WHY? Why do we do this to ourselves? You know when something is so real and big in your head that you're certain everyone else is aware of it too? This is how I felt with my weight while in the grips of an eating disorder, and also in the earlier stages of recovery. Weight loss is disproportionately celebrated, praised, and desired. It's become so ingrained as a status symbol in society that most individuals don't even stop to consider WHY weight loss is superior. Because it's not. Losing weight does NOT equal thin, healthy, beautiful, and success. And likewise, gaining weight does NOT equal fat, unhealthy, ugly, and failure.

Sometimes gaining weight is the healthiest thing you can do for both your body and health. And sometimes losing weight is the unhealthiest thing you can do. These are facts. It's with our minds that things start to go haywire. Often, we mistakenly personalize neutral feedback as an inward reflection of who we are. Gaining weight might not make you happy, but YOU are not a failure. Losing weight might make you happy, but it doesn't mean YOU are a success. It's important to separate your identity and self-worth from becoming too intertwined in external outcomes. Weight-gain, weight-loss, weight-ever! Who cares! Your value and worth will never waver. ~Britt💜

💥I lived in a bubble for many years of my life. $💥I lived in a bubble for many years of my life. E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G triggered me. And it was imperative that I avoid FEELING at all costs. I had always been a sensitive and inquisitive individual, but also extremely insecure about my place in the world. An eating disorder sheltered my fractured mind and sedated my fears with a cocktail laced in lies. I was comfortably numb —for a while, but I was unable to abstain from the triggers of life entirely. As much as I wanted to blame the triggers for my setbacks, I regrettably realized that I was the one who was responsible. Healing can mean many different things to different individuals. But it's important to remember that healing is an active process of mending and restoring yourself to an improved state of wellbeing. This requires that you leave your comfort zone and address your wounds —physically, mentally, and emotionally. The word "trigger" has a negative connotation attached to it, especially when it comes to eating disorders and mental health. But the truth is triggers are necessary and important in facilitating the healing and recovery process. They should be expected, not avoided. A trigger is a big mirror into a part of yourself that still needs work. Instead of becoming defensive, try becoming a detective. Ask yourself the hard questions: ▪️WHO triggered me? Does this person remind me of myself? Am I jealous? Do I feel inferior? ▪️WHAT triggered me? Was it something that was said? Was it something someone did? ▪️WHERE was the trigger? Was it some place that reminded me of past trauma? Was it outside, inside, or on social media? ▪️WHEN was the trigger? Was it late at night? Was it during a specific activity? ▪️WHY am I triggered? Are feelings that scare me coming up? Do I feel unsafe? Does my ego or identity feel threatened? It’s not easy to face your fears and uncomfortable feelings. Healing forces you to be vulnerable and strong at the same time. Triggers will pop up to test you. Don't turn away! By working through them you will not only pass the test, but you’ll also come to appreciate them as your greatest teacher in healing. ~Britt💜 quote by @mindfulmft$

🔸I wanted to recover perfectly. In fact, I dema

🔸I wanted to recover perfectly. In fact, I demanded myself to be the definition of it —and this is, in part, why my recovery was so sporadic. The thought of recovery and its ambiguity was very intimidating. You have to forge your own trail, and you have to create your own way. And I believed this was all a bunch of idiocy. If I couldn't be guaranteed of doing recovery right, then I didn't want to recover at all.

My habitual tendency to view life through an all-or-nothing lens became a hinderance in my recovery process. I despised being wrong. But recovery felt wrong! Therefore, I must be doing it wrong! I had this image in my head of what a perfect recovery was supposed to be ...
—It was those individuals who always posed with their aesthetically balanced meals, and a smile on their face.
—Those individuals who seemed to recover to a socially ideal body type, and not one pound over.
—Those individuals who boast how happy they are for recovering, while also implying it wasn't that hard.

‼️NONSENSE‼️

Because my recovery looked a-little-bit-more-like-this ...
—It was sitting down to a conventional breakfast, and bursting into tears because there was too much butter on my toast.
—It was gaining weight disproportionately, and past my set point.
—It was practicing intuitive eating, and then having it tip over into a full-blown binge.
—It was sitting in front of a therapist and dietician while I cursed and confessed my brokenness.
—It was following my meal plan and feeling less guilt.
—It was taking a rest day, despite the screaming protests in my head.
—It was reminding myself continuously that recovery is NOT easy, but it is worth committing to.

The definition of recovery is: a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength. The definition of HOW you get there is up to you to define. It's challenging to embark on such a daunting journey without confirmation of your destination. But it is crucial that you remember your compass is different from those around you. You have to navigate your own way. There is no right or wrong way to recover. There is only the decision to do so. ~Britt💜

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Professional Inquiries Only. For business and media related opportunities, or inquiries regarding "Safety in Numbers" please contact Brittany Burgunder by Email: inquiries@brittanyburgunder.com or Phone: 805.234.7148

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