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Author: Darcie Wenner

Living Out Loud - Finding balance, hope and inspiration with Brittany Burgunder

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Posted on February 11, 2019March 31, 2020 by Darcie Wenner by Darcie Wenner

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How You Use Your Pain
Hiding The Need For Help
Not Guilty
A Choice You Won’t Regret
Recovery Is Hard

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⚡️Pain is powerful —for better or worse. It

⚡️Pain is powerful —for better or worse. It has the ability to break those who seem invincible, and it has the capability to revive those who seem like a lost cause. The most potent type of pain is often the kind that cannot be seen. It's insidious, and dresses itself in an invisible cloak. For example, what hurts more —breaking your wrist once and putting it in a cast? Or showing up every day only to be humiliated and teased by your peers? Not all pain hurts the same, and not all pain heals the same either. Some types of pain are obvious, loud and quick to leave. Other types are subtle, quiet and tend to linger.

Personally, I've experienced both. I have endured physical and mental misfortune. But it was the internal injury that crippled me most. There are no words that could ever adequately describe the agony that psychological wounds can cause. And there are no easy explanations to illustrate how it feels to battle your own mind. To hate yourself so much —that you'd be willing to hurt yourself to find relief. It won’t solve your problems, but at least temporarily, hurting yourself numbs the pain of the external world.

It takes tremendous effort to live with affliction. Hardship is heavy. And it is not always easy, nor immediately possible to put it down. But I have learned that the energy it takes to hold on to hurt does not go to waste. Because the same strength, courage and perseverance it takes to fight your demons can be re-channeled. It's a process of learning how to use your energy differently.

You already have within you the ability to turn your struggles into strength. Burdens are overcome by your courage to put them down. And pain can be transformed with perseverance. Hurt often holds the hidden key to unlocking your greatest healing. ~Britt💜

🎭Since when do people who need help have a look

🎭Since when do people who need help have a look? Because it's often those who intentionally strive to appear successful and unbreakable that are crumbling the most. And they DESPERATELY want you to notice that they need help EQUALLY as much as they need you to think they are fine. Looks deceive and actions can be misconstrued.

It was when I "looked" happiest and healthiest that I needed help the very most. I developed anxiety, depression and OCD at a young age. I had no idea why I felt the way I did, and I was more embarrassed by the idea of asking for help than I was of having to live miserably. I channeled my anxiety and OCD into my academic studies and was rewarded with good grades. But really, I needed help.

My inner turmoil expanded into new territory as I developed anorexia nervosa. Eating disorders were also something I was oblivious to. I was baffled and defensive when I was diagnosed. But my anxiety was escalating, and my OCD needed a new job. Focusing on my body and counting calories quieted down my angst temporarily. All my friends commented on my weight loss, and I received many compliments on my appearance. But really, I needed help.

I didn't want to struggle with anorexia, but I also didn't know how to get better. I began a slippery slide into binge eating disorder. I rapidly put on weight due to my shifting behaviors, but I couldn't stop. Whenever my anxiety skyrocketed and my depression plummeted, I knew food would help numb my pain. People who knew me as anorexic enthusiastically applauded my weight gain and told me how great I looked. But really, I needed help.

My eating disorder morphed again into bulimia. I had it all according to an outsider's perspective. I achieved lots of external success, and I was often praised for my fit, toned body. And this was when I was closest to losing my life. But no one could see behind my facade that hid my war with bulimia. I needed help —REALLY!

Eventually, I realized the only way to get the help I needed was to be brave and ask for it with my words, instead of through my inexplicit behaviors. Needing help doesn't have a look, but asking for it always looks beautiful. ~Britt💜

😬Guilt and eating disorders go hand in hand. Th

😬Guilt and eating disorders go hand in hand. They feed off one another and they NEED one another to thrive. The definition of guilt is: “the fact of having committed a specified or implied offense or crime.” What crime did you commit exactly? But this is exactly how it feels when you do something that goes against your eating disorder. The power it has to make you feel guilty is enough to want to obey it. You have to consciously and continuously remind yourself that this is a psychological trap and faulty thinking.

You are ALWAYS doing the right thing when you choose actions that support recovery even if you stumble. In fact, you WILL stumble. True recovery is imperfect, just as life is imperfect, and you are imperfect. There is no guilt or shame in putting yourself first and going at your own pace. Healing is not linear. You don't need to have it all figured out right now. It's confusing and difficult to navigate new emotions, feelings and ways to care for yourself. Remember you are learning through the process. Guilt has no place in your vocabulary, but growth does. ~Britt💜

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Professional Inquiries Only. For business and media related opportunities, or inquiries regarding "Safety in Numbers" please contact Brittany Burgunder by Email: inquiries@brittanyburgunder.com or Phone: 805.234.7148

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