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Recent Posts

The Weight Of An Eating Disorder
How Recovery Happens
Defining Recovery
Chasing Happiness
10 Phases of Eating Disorder Recovery

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🌿I've struggled with most forms of an eating di

🌿I've struggled with most forms of an eating disorder over the span of a decade, and my weight has reflected this. Despite significant fluctuations in my size, not much else changed. My weight and appearance were only symptoms of the SAME internal problems. When it comes to eating disorders, appearance tells very little of the story.

I was opposed to receiving help when I was anorexic largely because I didn't think I fit the stereotypical image. I believed the false assumption that in order to be sick I had to look sick. My body became a vessel for harboring my distress and a substitute for using my words to speak. Despite being underweight, I was unable to grasp the seriousness of my disease because in my mind I thought I was fine.

After anorexia, my troubles continued, but I was still at war in my head with the same demons. The only thing that changed was my choice of weapon. My behaviors were now that of binge eating disorder, and extreme weight gain was a side effect. I was even more reluctant to seek help because my overweight appearance didn't visibly convey how sick I was on the inside.

My behaviors shifted one last time and my appearance changed accordingly. I was a picture-perfect example of health on the outside, and often received compliments on my fit physique. But this only fueled the inferno that was silently smoldering within me. I was bulimic, and I shamefully tried to hide my conflict. It never consciously occurred to me that my eating disorder was a problem because my weight was socially acceptable.

Remember that eating disorders manifest in the mind, yet only SOMETIMES portray themselves physically. Often, there is a huge disparity between an individual's outward physique and their inward affliction. This can be hugely problematic for those who suffer, and it contributes to the harmful stigma that surrounds eating disorders. You absolutely CANNOT tell who has an eating disorder based on their appearance or weight. Pain isn't any less credible because it is concealed. Recovery is beautiful, and it's beautiful because it requires the internal transformations to happen first, and those successes then radiate outward. ~Britt💜

✅You didn't develop an eating disorder overnight

✅You didn't develop an eating disorder overnight, and you surely won't recover from one instantaneously either. This sounds cliché, but if I'm honest with you, I struggled to take this to heart. I was angry that my eating disorder wouldn't just "go away." I didn't want to put the work into recovery, and frankly, I didn't think it was fair. An eating disorder was never my choice, so why should I have to make decisions that facilitate my recovery?

Underneath my frustration was fear. I was afraid that recovery was not something I would be capable of achieving. I had lived with my eating disorder for so long that my thoughts and behaviors had become automatic. What was helpful for me was to simplify the process into smaller goals. My favorite acronym I learned early on in my recovery was "CCC." This stands for —Catch it —Challenge it —Change it. It is especially helpful when thinking about making progress in recovery.

For example, recovery required me to partake in a 3-step process:
1.) Be conscious of ED thoughts and behaviors (Catch it)
2.) Ignore and question these ED thoughts and behaviors (Challenge it)
3.) Make a decision that supports my recovery (Change it)

Remember that you can't go from A-Z, but you can go from A-B and B-C. Don't think about how far you still need to go. Your job is to think, "what's the next best move and choice I can make?" Simplify it. You can control your decision about what to do next. This is what will lead you to the best outcome.

Recovery is a constant choice, and one that will feel awkward and time consuming initially. You have to develop a new relationship with food and with yourself. The process of unlearning habits and replacing them with new ones takes time. But over time —these repeated decisions are what makes recovery possible. ~Britt💜

🦋There are many different levels to recovery.

🦋There are many different levels to recovery. Often, I thought I was recovered only to realize I had more layers to work through. Each time I made progress, I quietly rejoiced. I thought I had succeeded. I was done, healed and finished with this “recovery stuff.” But I wasn't. And I hadn't made it to what I now know to be true of recovery.

I have had to define and redefine the word "recovery" multiple times. It was a constant process of examining what the term meant in relation to an eating disorder. More importantly, I had to make sense of how it fit into my own life. I found this especially challenging. I had many questions about the elusive concept of recovery. I tossed it around constantly in hopes to find concrete answers.

One of the great difficulties is that there is no agreed upon definition of recovery. It is not founded on accepted scientific truths, nor is it a simple math equation with only one answer. And it’s definitely not a static measure that you can use to provide consistent feedback on your progress. Recovery is ever-changing, and the ways you can define it are numerous and unique to each individual.

Personally, I consider myself to be recovered. This was not a phrase I was able to comfortably apply to myself for many years. Although I am now free from eating disorder thoughts and behaviors, this does NOT mean I am free from problems, stressors, insecurities, or making comparisons. But removing the pressure from equating “recovery” with “perfection,” was liberating.

Recovery has many steps. However, it is not an ordinary set of stairs. Rather, it’s more like a spiral staircase full of many twists and turns. It's okay if you're still not sure what recovery means to you. It's also okay if you're not sure if you're capable of reaching it. For years I believed that I could not do it. But I continued to push through both the tedious and exhausting work of healing.

The most important aspect of recovery is to remember that it is a process. In many ways, recovery is the beginning. No matter what step of the staircase you're on —always remember that you are capable of reaching the top. ~Britt💜

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