ATTENTION, PLEASE!

Do I have your attention? Good. Because it’s easy to notice how dramatically my appearance changed. It’s easy to be shocked, it’s easy to be confused and it’s easy to focus on my weight. But this post has nothing to do with weight. And my story, although I struggled immensely with an eating disorder, is not about an eating disorder.

My story serves a message much bigger -much deeper. A message I believe any person can relate to. Because we are all human and we are all imperfect, but few of us want to talk about the things that make us vulnerable. Perhaps you don’t even know the core of what makes you feel vulnerable? My eating disorder was a mask -a Band-Aid -a coping mechanism gone so terribly wrong. But in a sense it worked right? It distracted me from what I didn’t want to feel.

Because underneath lay a beautiful girl with explosive anxiety, crippling depression, not a friend to talk to, nonexistent self-esteem, OCD and a girl who got used to the nickname “chicken pox” thanks to my acne. “It was my fault … there must me something wrong with me.” I believed.

So I did everything I could to numb out what hurt the most. I painted on a smile and set unrealistic standards for myself. Anything to compensate for my flaws. Yes, it was an eating disorder that became my way to cope. But my physical appearance can tell you so little about my health or quality of life. An eating disorder is never a choice, just as any mental illness is never a choice.

This post is about my mind. This post is about your mind. This post is to let you know that recovery is a tangible thing and something others have gone through to tell you it’s possible and it’s worth it. Your uniqueness is what makes you beautiful and it’s what makes you strong. Don’t ever fear what lays beneath your crutch. There’s a beautiful, authentic soul waiting for you, and healing is something I consider a gift.

I’ve overcome the lies I used to believe. But it was never about my body; it was about my mind. ~Britt