I’LL CRY FOR YOU

Both of these photos make me cry. The photo on the left was taken my freshman year at UC Davis. This sweet little pony is named Casanova and he was such a blessing in my life during one of my darkest times. I left home for college with hopes that it would be the key to recovering and finally getting rid of my eating disorder. I wished for that. I tried to convince my parents of that. It was a new start with new people, but there was no new life waiting for me. I knew in my heart this would be the case.  won’t go into the horrific details of my experience, but this pony helped me hang on. I was struggling… badly. But being a part of the equestrian team and knowing that Casanova was counting on me to ride and care for him certain days of the week gave me a small sense of purpose, responsibility and happiness.

Ultimately my time at Davis was cut short, but I think I owe a lot of my life to Casanova for helping me to hang on just long enough before I could receive the intervention my life depended on. So when I look at the photo I cry. I cry from the trauma. I cry from the fear. And I cry for the tortured girl standing next to him. And I’ll continue to cry until my former self knows she is safe now.

The photo on the right also causes me to hysterically cry. I’m standing next to my most powerful guardian angel in the form of a horse. This was the first day Velvet was officially mine. But, in all honesty, she’s been mine forever. She’s watched over me time and time again and has saved my life on countless occasions. She isn’t something I can put to words for you all. I can’t even put her to words for myself. To say she is my best friend, my healer, my happiness, my therapist, my baby… it could never do her justice. She changes my life daily and she helps me in ways something only divine in nature could do.

I’ll cherish each photo, but oh so differently. Don’t ever believe your life is over. That this could be the last time you’ll ever XYZ. That this is as good as things will get. That you’re stuck and hopeless.

Many who know me personally could have safely bet that Casanova would be my last. Well ladies and gentleman, Velvet and I are only just beginning. ~Britt