LOOK INTO MY EYES
I was a little shocked when I found this old photo… But mostly because of the eerie resemblance of the recent photo. When my sister took my photo on the right with the Washington Monument in the background we were just having fun – I had no intent of replicating an old photo, but I did.
I was in 7th grade in the left photo. I wasn’t struggling with an eating disorder, but I was struggling. I held thousands of comments inside my soul… my peers voices of ridicule, disapproval and snickers echoed deep within my veins. I told no one. It must be me. There must be something wrong with me. I reached a point where I was used to being rejected and always alone. I tragically accepted this fate. I had resigned myself to living a life of misery that I had come to believe was normal. But I didn’t understand why I had to experience the sadness and torment when others seemed to be happy. I pretended to smile and assure others I was just like them and happy too. But all you had to do was take a look into my eyes…
In the recent photo I still carry old wounds. I look back on my life and have a hard time comprehending just how much took place, both mentally and physically, in my life since my 7th grade year. I look at that young girl and I cry for her. She had no idea what was to come. she had no idea it wasn’t her fault. She had no idea that she was more than good enough. She had no idea how beautiful her existence was. She had no idea that life could be different and that she deserved all things wonderful. It makes me sad… so sad. A sadness that I can’t put to words.
But I also look at that young girl and I cry for another reason. She found a way to survive. She bent over backwards giving away more love and smiles than she ever received. She put one foot in front of the other when she had every reason to give up. She watched her life flashed before her eyes, but she did not accept that fate. She kept going – tip toeing – challenging and relearning everything she thought to be true. She faced her biggest fears and she took back the power that was ripped from her so long ago. She’s found all the missing puzzle pieces that left her broken. Now she’s learning how to put them back together to create a beautiful picture of wholeness.
I smile with confidence now and radiate genuine strength. But I hold within me a story so profound. Just take a look into my eyes… ~Britt