RISE & REBUILD

“Sometimes the hardest part isn’t letting go, but rather learning to start over.” ~ Nicole Sobon

Give up my eating disorder? Why would I do that? I’ve invested so much time and energy into it that it has become my identity. How can I just give it up after all that work? I’d be starting from square one! This is a thought that crossed my mind over and over for many years. I didn’t know who I was without an eating disorder. It had become my identity and a part of me. Recovery sounded nice, but after all I had been through… after all the wasted energy, time, dedication and perfection I put into my disorder… how could I just let it go? It didn’t seem fair. It didn’t seem smart. And most of all it scared the heck out of me.

So, here’s the good news. You aren’t starting from square one. In fact, you have an amazing opportunity sitting in front of you. Sure, you may be staring at a blank canvas, but you are no beginner. You know what works. You know what doesn’t work. You have the gift of using all your experience of living with an eating disorder and the disarray it brings and turning that experience into any outcome of your choosing. Think of it this way. You’ve spent many years building a house. It’s an ugly house and not very stable, but it provides you shelter, safety and familiarity… it is your home after all. But over the years you have realized that it isn’t a very comfortable house and no longer serves you very well. You don’t want to tear it down, but you also know that your blueprints for your dream home would be amazing.

So tear down that house! You are not your eating disorder. You are an individual and the eating disorder is a part of your life, but it can leave your life too. It’s time to move. It’s time to demolish your current shack of a home and get started on building your dream home. It won’t take you as long as you think. You know exactly what you want because you know exactly how it felt to live with what you didn’t want. It’s scary at first while you are in the process of building your dream home. You feel vulnerable, exposed and unsafe. But you have to trust yourself. Trust who you are. Trust in your strength. Because if you can have patience to sit through the discomfort of rebuilding, then you will have built a rock solid foundation of a home that will be the most beautiful on the block. This is recovering. This is how recovery happens. ~Britt

 “Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.” ~Hermann Hesse