WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS

This is one of my most special transformations to share with you. In each photo is me – looking very different. But in each photo is also someone that has significantly influenced me toward a better life.

In 2009, it was by pure accident that I landed in the care of the doctor that I’m standing next to. But clearly it couldn’t have been all that accidental because she played a huge part in saving my life. This is Dr. Schack, a person you will be introduced to in my book and someone who fought with me through my darkest times with anorexia. I was no easy patient either. I was literally dying, yet my mind made me believe I was perfectly healthy and fine. And so at the time I hated her and I hated the seemingly absurd rules placed on me under her care. I onced viewed her as making my life miserable. Now, I see that she helped make my life a miracle.

And I’m sure many of you are familiar with my sweet golden jasper, who I’m with in 2010. He is, and always will be, one of the most unforgettable and special dogs in my life. We got him as a puppy right before I left for UC Davis. This boy has been by my side through it all and he continues to spread his unconditional love and happiness to this day. When I began binge eating and rapidly gaining weight, I shut myself in my house – too embarrassed to go out in public. Having Jasper around for company really meant so much to me. To have an animal look at you with the same loving, nonjudgemental eyes was such a comforting thing for me at the time. I was used to being lonely, but I wasn’t used to staring at a stranger in the mirror that had transformed all too quick. But he never saw a stranger. He saw me. He saw my heart. I think he much prefers my hugs and walks with him now, than the tears and fears I shared with him in the past.

And of course my baby girl and angel, Velvet. I’ve tried on so many occasions to put words to her and what she has done for my life. Honestly, I still can’t. She is my one in infinity horse of a lifetime. And again, the story behind her coming into my life and the irony of how our relationship continues to play out in an identical healing fashion, is no accident. She is too special to explain and I know she will continue to be a vital part of my continued recovery and courageous steps forward.

I’ve encountered countless people, professionals, peers, doctors … so many different walks of life. I didn’t always realize at the time when I was struggling how much they really meant to me. There are so many people I wish I could reconnect with and explain this to. And likewise, there are plenty of people I’m happy to forget and let go of. I believe we save ourselves and that only we hold that power. However, we all need support and those special others to help us realize we are worth saving. So I am proud of myself, but I thank quite a few individuals who have profoundly led me n the right direction. ~Britt