MIND’S EYE

This post is as much to give myself hope as it is to you. We all have certain things in our past that have a way of knocking on our door in the present. Sometimes it can take a moment to realize that it’s no longer who you are. My eating disorder was a part of me and it greatly influenced who I am now and will become. But it’s not me and it’s also a door I’m choosing to close. I promote recovery, health and happiness and I want my story and future ambitions to be looked upon as a symbol of inspiration. I’ve spent too many years trying to paint the “perfect” life and I’m physically and mentally done with that. Life is about doing what makes you happy, not what you’re good at. It’s too easy to stick with what’s familiar. That is no longer the life for me. Just because you are good at something — heck just because you are the best at something, doesn’t mean you have to pursue or continue it.

As I look back on this photo I see me… but I don’t know me. I see a girl who hates herself, a girl who is lonely, a girl who puts everyone else first, a girl who only knows all-or-nothing, a girl pursuing activities she hates only because she had talent, a girl frantically focusing on her external because internally she was empty. I see a girl trying to find her place and a girl trying so hard to piece herself back together. I’m glad she did because now I get to take those broken pieces and put them back in an imperfect, creative manner that is real.

Life isn’t about those binges you had, that weight you gained, those bones you see, those calories you burned, that alcohol you drank, that mistake you made, the people you date, the money you make or the number on the tag of your jeans. We are all human, we all fall down, we all get insecure and we all wonder what the heck we are supposed to be doing with our lives. Guess what? No one knows and that’s the beauty of what we call living. I look at the girl in these photos and I couldn’t be more proud… of me. ~Britt