A DISCOMFORT WORTH FIGHTING
One of the more difficult concepts for me to come to terms with is that recovery does not equal happiness or that everything in one’s life makes sense. It’s no different than the false belief that when you reach xxlbs, or work out longer, or eat less, you will be happy and everything will be okay. This is all an illusion that will lead you forever chasing something that does not exist. The same goes for recovery unfortunately, which is why so many people fail to stick it out. In fact, recovery is often more difficult, painful and uncomfortable than the misery of your eating disorder, because during recovery, it often feels like things are getting tougher with no end in sight.
You question why you are even trying. It was easier living with the misery of restricting, bingeing, over-exercising or purging, because at least they were familiar to you. But recovery offers tremendous gifts to those who stick it out and do the work. To know peace, to know freedom, to experience life and not merely exist – these are things so special that you must have faith in them to keep going. One thing I can promise with all my heart is that my worst days in recovery are still far better than my best days with my eating disorder. ~Safety In Numbers: From 56 to 221 Pounds, My Battle with Eating Disorders