A WEIGH THROUGH

“The only way to move forward is to focus on the good in your life and the good that you are doing for others and yourself. My past has shown me things in life, others and myself that I wouldn’t wish upon anyone, but I can choose to pick up the pieces and build a beautiful life for myself and help others to do the same.” ~Britt

IMAGINE CLIMBING A MOUNTAIN. When you first start it seems as if it will take forever to get to the top. In fact, you are already tired, wonder if the view at the top is worth it, and are starting to fear you might get lost or encounter a bear. But you slowly continue on. After all, you’ve been told by enough people that the climb is worth it. But what if you can’t do it? What if you aren’t in good enough shape?

You sit down on a rock to rest and notice a beautiful stream and the sound of singing birds. It’s not so bad after all. You eventually gather your physical and mental strength to keep going. You are almost at the top now; you can actually see the peak. But this is the steepest part. You fall multiple times, slipping on the slick gravel. Your knees are banged up, and you debate whether to stop and call it close enough. How could this be worth falling down so many times? “Maybe I’m just a bad hiker and don’t deserve to make it to the top.”

But then you think of all those people who told you that you couldn’t make it. You also think of all those people who whispered in your ear not to give up because anything is possible. You brush yourself off and start climbing again. This time you do so more slowly and cautiously. It seems to take you hours, but almost in shock you realize you made it. Goosebumps trickle up and down your arms and legs as you take in not only the view, but what you just accomplished.

Looking down you see how far you’ve come. During the journey up, you lost sight of your progress because you were so focused on the end result. But you did have that nice moment sitting on the rock listening to the birds and the stream. The journey wasn’t that bad. It took you a long time to get to the top of that mountain, longer than some people you know, but you still made it.

The accomplishment and freedom you feel within is indescribable. You’re proud of yourself, you feel strong, confident, and able to conquer anything. You did it. You didn’t give up when it got hard or when you fell. This is recovery. This is working through hardships. This is life. This is your journey.

Recovery doesn’t mean life gets easier. It just means it gets better and worth living. I think sometimes people are afraid of recovery (just as I was) because they believe that once they get there then they will have no excuse to have a bad day or make a mistake. The truth is life is full of ups and downs, tears and smiles, success and mistakes. This is living. This is feeling. I still have plenty of days where I don’t want to get out of bed, where I’m tempted to binge, where I overdo the exercise and look in the mirror with disapproval. The difference is that I recognize these urges and, for the majority, don’t act upon them.

However, there are still days where I screw up, but I pick myself back up and keep going. This is what recovery is. This is how you move forward. If recovery were all smiles, sparkles, and success then I would question your judgment and believe you are in denial. Recovery is work. You don’t reach recovery and then kick back and relax. I’m not perfect. I’ve been through a lot and have taken those experiences to create a great life, but I’m not here to preach to you or make you think recovery means you have to have it all together.

I can’t reiterate enough that recovery is possible and meant for each and every one of you no matter what—and I mean that from the heart. Keep your head up; keep moving forward and allow yourself the space, patience, and compassion to have ups and downs.

~Chapter 42 excerpt from: Safety in Numbers: From 56 to 221 Pounds, My Battle with Eating Disorders –A Memoir