MY SECRET INGREDIENT
Sometimes I look back on my life and all I’ve endured and I truly wonder for a moment how I’m still here. How am I still alive? How am I so positive? How can I still love life? How can it be that after so much misery and suffering … I could find so much beauty and strength?
I’ve hit rock bottom multiple times in my life and I mean that on so many levels. It’s obvious from my severe weight fluctuations that I was struggling. But weight is only a symptom … meaning my mind was struggling significantly more than could ever be visible. I’ve also sadly watched many others hit their own rock bottoms. Many inspired me. Many frightened me. And some were unfortunately overcome by their pain and gave up …
But that’s not going to be you! Never! Because you are going to decide so. The one thing I’ve had and I’ve always had was hope. Amidst being bullied, a loner, anxiety, OCD, depression, hospitals, chaos, fear, destroyed dreams, facing my own funeral, relearning how to walk, going bald, never ending binges, fat camps, obesity, therapy, laxatives, unrelenting standards, insomnia, surgeries, acne, poor body image, relapse, misunderstood, low self-esteem, PTSD, too lost, too broken, too late, not worth it, a fight everyone says you can’t win. Why not just give up? Why pick yourself up for the millionth time?
Because deep down you have to know you were wrong. They were wrong. Your life has meaning. Your life has purpose. You are good enough. There is beauty in you and in this world. There is healing. There is one more day … one more day … one more day. And over the years, holding onto one more day will lead you toward a life you never believed possible or worthy for yourself.
When I say “I get it,” know that I really do. I can’t put myself in your exact shoes, but I can simply tell you that I’ve seen places darker than nightmares in myself and in others. But that’s not my life anymore. I held on. I had hope. I’ll always have hope. And now I’m healing and building a life filled with so much more strength, passion and joy because of my past. I want you to do the same. I’m no different. I’m just one girl who never gave up when the rest of the world seemingly had. ~Britt